it's been forever since I update my blog, I guess as its name suggested its totally forgotten even by the author herself.

I just need some place that I can pour my feeling out now so I decided to do it here I do wonder who among my friends that know my blog, still occasionally come to my blog to check for update (if u do, pm me okay LOL!)

so if u decided to check for updates congrats there is finally an update for u though its just me ranting and pouring my heart out so I can crush this feeling and go on with my usual life be my usual self :)

officially graduated from my diploma with flying colours and now I'm in my next step of life working. it feels like I'm just selling my time away but I really love my job and my colleagues are awesome people. I'm glad that I got into such a good company with great bosses. its forever busy but not to the point of busy till I have to go back to work on weekend. Lucky to be in the team where they appreciate the weekend is not meant for work. so on weekends normally will be busy hanging out with friends or just resting at home.

Is it because of it's about the age I should get myself a boyfriend or I dunno something else? whenever I meet up with my friends they always asked me if I have found someone I'm interested at my office. well this certainly do affect a lot to me. I surely enjoyed my poly life without having to deal with this feeling of emotionally attached to someone and I'm so happy that I wouldn't mind to stay single as long as possible. I hated myself for having lack of emotional control when it comes to love, always getting so attached in the end I have to cry my heart out and learn it the hard way. seems like I'm bad at this (and maybe still in recovery from the my heartbroken) that I don't ever want to fall in love again ever. I'm still not ready to ride on this emotional roller coaster ride that will change my daily mood. no matter how much I don't want that to happen it seems like its beyond my control. I know I should withdraw myself before I sink in too deep and to the point of shattering my teeny tiny bits of courage left in my heart to love someone. it really need a lot of courage to keep this feeling going and I know, I can sense it that it will just be another dead end. there won't be any happy ending this time so I should crush this feeling before it gets bigger and too late. throw it out of my window and go on with my life, go back to how I used to be. how I wish I can just simply use an eraser to erase away this feeling instead of forcing myself to forget which I know it wouldn't work that well. drowning myself in sad songs and tears hope that it will end soon.

sometimes I do wonder will I ever find someone that I like and the feeling is mutual? I am well always secretly envious of people who manage to get the feeling across and its mutual they end well or not that's another story but at least at some point of time its mutual that's more than enough coz some people couldn't even find someone to love them back as the do. I guess I'm not cut out for this, not good enough.

have been loving this song the lyrics are spot on


"the more you give your heart, the more your heart hurts" can't agree more with this statement....
hope I this feeling can fade away soon......