My heart is where you be

Friday, May 29

Alone

Broken and fixed all I need now is learning to be stronger and wiser. Scars were left but it will fade away like the memories of us, it won't be gone and always be there. looking back now I guess I'm too foolishly thought I'm strong when I'm not and think you would be the one to save me from this heartbreak but all you did was save me from one heartbreak and broke my heart once again. who says the way to mend a broken heart is to find a new love? well it doesn't work for me, maybe not my style at all. You are the only one can save yourself from this situation, it's okay to feel sad and cry, don't deny this feeling accept your own weakness and let the time do its magic. Just be strong and now I'm learning to be stronger than I've ever been. Thank you for teaching me how weak and vulnerable I can be. now I'm starting to love spending time to myself and explore the things around me. Stepping out of my comfort zone time to explore my surrounding. learning and keep learning about me about my surrounding about the world. taking baby steps but keep moving toward a brighter future :)

++ fading away at 1:21 AM

Saturday, April 4

Dandelion

Another month zoomed pass and hello April! So much things happened last month that I hardly even have time for myself and to have proper rest. Been occupied with work and also friends think I hardly ever at home haha. Busy with work but at the same time something has been occupying my mind more that I absolutely hate it. Don't leave me hanging there halfway without a proper ending when you are the one approach me first. I know I might have overdone it but now I m trying to figure out what went wrong and all I need is just your little cooperative to solve this mess. I might have hurt your pride that made you suddenly change your attitude but tell me what I did wrong so we could work it out together and not distancing yourself and leave the problem hanging there....

Thanks to that everyday I have to put on bright smile even more than normal. Well sometimes people smile doesn't always mean they are happy but they are trying to hide away the frown on their face since its easier to pretend that you are happy and everyone wont suspect anything than to be sad and everyone will ask why are you so down that you have to repeatedly explaining things you don't want to explain. Though it hurts but it save a lot of trouble since I'm always lost control of my emotion when it come to this.

I feel like a dandelion carried away by the wind when will this stop blowing and I can finally stop floating around and settle down?

++ fading away at 3:39 PM

Sunday, March 1

Hello March

So fast it's March!!! So busy since the start of the year so many things happened good ones and bad ones. A lot of people are leaving and moving on with their lives its kind of sad seeing your friends, buddies leaving the country... Hope they will be back soon but will I still be here? hmmm I wonder where will I be in another 2-3 years time.. still in Singapore? or somewhere far away? hmmm I should start to think and plan my next step soon but I'm kind of lazy and lack of motivation right now. I need to bring back some excitement in my life! where to find motivation and where can I gather back my passion??? hmmmm.......

++ fading away at 11:56 PM

Tuesday, January 13

Lost once again

What to do when u know u still have chance. It feels like when you can just grab it with your hand but it just slip right off once again. confused. Don't mess with my feeling! I'm getting my hopes again. How many times do you have to crush it before you are satisfied? how many time for me to learn before I won't be fooled again? this is the worse. Can't control and it just escalate to the point of no return...

++ fading away at 12:00 AM

Monday, November 3

Happy Birthday to Myself :)

Another good year have passed and I'm getting older in terms of number but mentally forever 18!!! this year had been good generally and I'm back to my usual self. Though I will still look for him in the crowd or secretly hoping that I will bump into him in the office but at least it is at much more manageable level. good things is that he clearly showed that he has no interest at me. well at least this help me keep my feeling in control and I'm sure it will disappear soon. just that whenever someone chat me over facebook i'll always think that it might be you but that hope get crushed every single time. I wonder how many time more i'll truly learn that it's okay even if its not you and I'm cool with it.

there is this saying that in order to get over a broken heart, the best solution is to find a new love. But how can you fall in love with other person if you still love him? when your eyes is still looking for him unconsciously? well I find the best solution is still time. it will heal your broken heart though it may not be as perfect as it was before, it will be strong again one day and you will fall in love again (hope that this time is the correct one).

Lesson learnt:
1. Learn to love yourself more.
2. Never fight for your place to stay beside him. if he likes you, he will take you with him. trying too hard will only looks miserable.
3. Don't get emotionally attached.
and the list go on......
it's not that I hate him now or anything it's just that I need to let go before its too late and i'll be stuck in this emo cycle. not every story end with happy ending, it is part of our life to make mistakes and learn

let's just hope that the next one will be the last one (finger crossed)

and it ends here. till next time :D

++ fading away at 11:48 PM

Wednesday, October 1

It's been awhile

it's been forever since I update my blog, I guess as its name suggested its totally forgotten even by the author herself.

I just need some place that I can pour my feeling out now so I decided to do it here I do wonder who among my friends that know my blog, still occasionally come to my blog to check for update (if u do, pm me okay LOL!)

so if u decided to check for updates congrats there is finally an update for u though its just me ranting and pouring my heart out so I can crush this feeling and go on with my usual life be my usual self :)

officially graduated from my diploma with flying colours and now I'm in my next step of life working. it feels like I'm just selling my time away but I really love my job and my colleagues are awesome people. I'm glad that I got into such a good company with great bosses. its forever busy but not to the point of busy till I have to go back to work on weekend. Lucky to be in the team where they appreciate the weekend is not meant for work. so on weekends normally will be busy hanging out with friends or just resting at home.

Is it because of it's about the age I should get myself a boyfriend or I dunno something else? whenever I meet up with my friends they always asked me if I have found someone I'm interested at my office. well this certainly do affect a lot to me. I surely enjoyed my poly life without having to deal with this feeling of emotionally attached to someone and I'm so happy that I wouldn't mind to stay single as long as possible. I hated myself for having lack of emotional control when it comes to love, always getting so attached in the end I have to cry my heart out and learn it the hard way. seems like I'm bad at this (and maybe still in recovery from the my heartbroken) that I don't ever want to fall in love again ever. I'm still not ready to ride on this emotional roller coaster ride that will change my daily mood. no matter how much I don't want that to happen it seems like its beyond my control. I know I should withdraw myself before I sink in too deep and to the point of shattering my teeny tiny bits of courage left in my heart to love someone. it really need a lot of courage to keep this feeling going and I know, I can sense it that it will just be another dead end. there won't be any happy ending this time so I should crush this feeling before it gets bigger and too late. throw it out of my window and go on with my life, go back to how I used to be. how I wish I can just simply use an eraser to erase away this feeling instead of forcing myself to forget which I know it wouldn't work that well. drowning myself in sad songs and tears hope that it will end soon.

sometimes I do wonder will I ever find someone that I like and the feeling is mutual? I am well always secretly envious of people who manage to get the feeling across and its mutual they end well or not that's another story but at least at some point of time its mutual that's more than enough coz some people couldn't even find someone to love them back as the do. I guess I'm not cut out for this, not good enough.

have been loving this song the lyrics are spot on

"the more you give your heart, the more your heart hurts" can't agree more with this statement....
hope I this feeling can fade away soon......

++ fading away at 12:30 AM

Thursday, March 15

another...

second entry since holiday. have been doing nothing but reading manga non-stop everyday to the point that my brother keeps on asking me when i will be going back to Indonesia. well rotting at home is one of my faveourite since young haha especially doing nothing but buried myself in mangas. what else can i do, i m waiting for my teacher's reply about the project so i cant go home yet. haiz....

yesterday suddenly remembered all the fun i had back then in secondary school and yeah i miss them so badly. especially sec 4. although sec 4 might not be my best year in my secondary school life, its the year that i have most of my favourrite memories. miss the time when we all having recess in the canteen, the people and the noises too (not the food though), sneaking out and wandering around the school with my girl during art club, staying back after school just to play and fooling around, the food nearby school are great too. i miss the vegetarian stall that we used to visit quite often during prelims time too. its the best vegetarian food that i ever had. and i remembered that we will always had our second round of find dessert nearby. time sure flies. its been more than a year eh? hehe most of us still the same but there might be unseen changes that we have yet to notice.

++ fading away at 12:58 AM

Monday, March 5

hello

hi hi!!! this post is my first entry of the year and its already march! i m having my holiday now enjoying my life in front of my lappy (sounds no life at all) but i do go out sometimes but just that i cant get over my laziness. haiz i need money, anyone have job to intro? i m in serious financial crisis now.

its been so long since i write on my blog, have been forgetting how to write. just random thoughts to at least keep my blog alive(?) hahahahaha so dont complain that i stopped updating my blog! here i updated it!

i suddenly came to realize that i no longer sad during raining day! thats good isnt it? i used to be very emotional when it rains. so many things happen during raining day and i m finally get over with it. i think its after i let go of everything? well if things get too painful sometimes, all you have to do is let go. it does sound easy but in actual fact that its the hardest thing to do. at least to me. it takes time to heal, and sometimes scars are left.

++ fading away at 11:55 PM

Friday, December 30

last entry of the year

hi, its been so long since i update my blog. i guess this post gonna be a long one? anyway continue reading till the end okay? :D hehe...

hmmm how should i start? i guess start with my school? okay! ( hehe pardon me, i have the habit of talking to myself :D) school has been busy like hell, no-exam course comes with the price of never-ending-workload. so i can hardly make time for my friends and even myself. mr architecture really demands a lot of time from me so friends if i hardly contact you please forgive me. he always gives me presents (assignments) and i have to stay up late for him everyday. his love is too much and just before Christmas ( before school term starts) i already receive the presents from him. so caring rite? my mr architecture is such a demanding boyfriend. hehe. and the worst thing is that i havent open his presents i'm so doomed! gosh! i just want to have my holiday peacefully and it seems like i cant have that before this semester end :( i'm gonna get twice as busy as i m now. lectures already warn us that next term we are going to hit by storming assignments ( means less time to fool around =__= ) lalalala but now i'm enjoying my life first die later :D i mean i have to seriously start my work now... holiday left few days and i have few assignments need to rush too. well my hobby is procrastinating <3

always do last minutes work and cramp everything together thats just so like me :D haha this year i have been doing stuff like that so my results aren't really satisfying. well my classmates are okay but to find friends that can share your problems with might be difficult. we might be friends on the surface only. it is quite scary though, every steps that you take you have to be careful coz land mine everywhere! have to bear with it for 2 more years. but there is one that everyone can't handle. she always thinks too highly of herself and selfish too. her favourite is going around bad mouthing others and showing off. hey bitch i seriously wanna give your face some nature red blushes and why are you keep on hanging onto my friend? seriously! we are so sick of playing the friendship game with you! haiz you have reach the limit i can endure, my attitude towards you gonna be super bad and i dunno how bad it gonna be. haha so 不要惹我！

okay shall not talk about her anymore! will only spoil my day.

this year has been quite a good year for me, unlike last like so unlucky. every things that i did, didn't turn out to be the one that i wanted. at least this year is better. although beginning of this year wasn't that pleasant ( getting result period ) i mean everyones went through that, and now we didn't regret the path that we choose (some did maybe? at least i m not :) ). and this year have been so peaceful for me :) filled with so much happiness and thanks to my wonderful friends for celebrating my birthday i'm so happy and grateful to you all. thank you so much >< love y'all! i did not expect any but this year has been extremely wonderful~ i'm busy but i'm happy :D

apart from that, this year i'm not involve in any relationship so i'm much happier than last year. falling for him indeed is a mistake but i did not regret that since i have give him all and it just did not turn out well :) now i can smile and admit that yeah i once had a crush on him. hahaha but now its all in the past, i have nothing left for him anymore :) well i seriously not gonna fall for cancer(horoscope) guy anymore! so much pain! if i'm given a choice to love or to be loved, i will still choose to love :D but not now... just too tired from this sort of stuff.. compare to my 1st crush which last for 7 years, this time is much more tiring D: one year feels like ten years. it is not important anymore since i've truly 爱过哭过 there is nothing to regret about :) and its just not my way of doing thing if i keep on hanging onto the past if i really mean nothing but stranger to him. not even a greeting on my birthday, well i guess we are not even friend eh? so nice of you. i was planning to confess to you on my birthday if you greet me. but in the end you dont so you are not deserve to hear my confession ever even if it was all happen in the past.

wow its been such a long post :p hehe hopefully i can continue my peacefully live filled with little happiness. and i'm currently having a slight fever for korean drama. haha just finish watching you're/he's beautiful. i hereby declare that i m totally charmed by his cuteness D: awww jeremy is so cute<3 love him n hwang teakyung's smile is cute too >< hahahaha okay shall end here...

hwang taekyung :) i just cnt resist his cute smile >< how can he smile until like that?

awww my jeremy(lee hongki) <3

how can a guy be so cute >< omg so adorable!!!!! i really weak toward cute guys eh?

his expression is priceless when the banana split. so cuteeeeeee... n love the way he says jolie hahahaha

okay my post end here~
happy new year in advance~
bye~

++ fading away at 8:35 PM

Saturday, October 15

all about scorpio

i came across these on facebook and i really like them so decided to share it to my blog :)
facebook album click to read more since i only share those i really like :)

【天蝎座的特性你占几条】
1、花很多时间自我交谈；
2、喜欢去没什么人的地方（如老书店、楼顶等）；
3、讨厌束缚喜欢自由；
4、相信第六感；
5、爱上一个人很容易陷入痴迷；
6、真心相惜的朋友很重要；
7、爱逞强；
8、感性、容易感动；
9 爱幻想、爱胡思乱想；
10、说话有时侯很毒；
11、极其讨厌虚伪。

天蝎座自尊心很强,是因为忍受不了别人对她的轻视，不爱说话,外表冰冷高傲,让人无法接近。只是不想受伤害。天蝎女不会随便爱上一个男人，她不喜欢的人，哪怕那人为她去死，她也只会觉的那人很傻，而当她不开心的时候就会故意隐藏自己，只是想让自己显的更独立更坚强。蝎子不会死缠烂打，不喜欢强求。在一起的时候绝对忠情专一，但是如果蝎子对你死心，他们就不会为你停留。
别以为分手后你还有能力绑住他们的心，尽管在一起时他们爱得死心踏地，但是如果他们选择放开你的手，过后你做再多努力也找不回以前的他们。不是蝎子绝情，只是不对你残忍他们会伤痕累累。蝎子的情商很高，他们眼里你们在爱面前太单纯了。也许有人不信，为什么追不到的那只蝎子可以特别冷漠，其实他对待不爱的人用的是智商，他会理智的去分析得失，但是在真爱面前，他几乎无所保留，即使一无所获，所以感情是蝎子真正软肋。他们渴望被爱，但只有他们去选择被爱的权利。不爱你，一切没戏！蝎子的爱很毒，爱的坚决，分得彻底。韧性十足的蝎子，可能仅仅就因为爱人的一句话而坚持数年。后悔绝不是蝎子的代名词，他宁愿深夜添着伤口! 你绝不可能通过蝎子的表情判断出他的痛苦！

带着魔鬼般的魅力，让你有如被催眠一样被吸引。忽而热情如火，忽而冷漠像冰，如果你跟ta挑起战端，倒霉的准是自己。天蝎不喜欢浮华的爱情，只想平淡地爱，但必须要刻骨铭心。请记住，蝎子不会随便伤人，除非你先招惹他（她）！蝎子不喜欢在自己不熟悉的人面前落泪，蝎子的友情很珍贵，不是说她和你开开玩笑，讲讲话就是朋友了。在蝎子的内心，时间将会磨练出最深刻的友情，蝎子想要保护朋友，对于朋友的事情会很关心，会提出最恰当的建议。所以如果你的身边有一个天蝎一样的朋友，请珍惜。天蝎不喜欢解释自己的行为，除非是特别的人，有爱不愿意直接说，要对方去体会。常被惯于没良心的称号，其实是宁愿自己受伤也不愿意伤害自己的爱人，当夜幕来临，蝎子开始把伤口撕裂。

【你不知道的天蝎座】
1、很在乎很在乎对方，有神经质的倾向；
2、吵架了，发完火。然后放下架子来哄人；
3、有好吃好玩的，都让给对方，或许对方根本不感兴趣；
4、很大方，舍得为对方花钱；
5、懒得掩饰，也不在乎别人的眼光，不会曲意讨好；
6、不会轻易放手；
7、思维跳跃性很大，直觉很强。

宁愿夜里自己一个人哭也不愿意在别人面前让人看出我的一点脆弱；在喜欢的人面前，宁愿自己心里想一万个喜欢他，也决不亲口告诉他；我有什么说什么，不喜欢“作”；我很善良，心很软，同时又母爱泛滥；我不怕穷不怕苦，什么都不怕，就怕他不给我承诺；我是天蝎，我只做我的天蝎。天蝎有些自我折磨的倾向，一旦失恋之后，便会多日走不出失恋的阴影。内心渴望着对方能回心转意，当然是在对方先提出分手的情况下，虽然如此，倘若真的对方有所回头，天蝎又会因为那骨子里天生的冷酷而断然拒绝对方。好多人说天蝎分手的很无情，但有谁知道，当天蝎断绝来往的时候，已经准备了多长时间，你给他们的伤害太多了。天蝎也是人，不是冷血动物，如果天蝎主动跟你分手，爱着蝎子的人应该好好想想，你把蝎子伤的有多深。蝎子很包容，甚至爱你的时候连自己的性格都愿意为对方改变，这只有爱过的蝎子的才知道

【12星座谁的气场压住了谁】
白羊（被天蝎压）；金牛(被狮子压）；双子（被双鱼压）；
巨蟹（被天秤压）；狮子（被魔羯压）；处女（被射手压）；
天秤（被水瓶压）；天蝎（被巨蟹压）；射手（被处女压）；
魔羯（被白羊压）；水瓶（被金牛压）；双鱼（被双子压）
谁把你震住了？ so this is the reason y i always tend to fall for that horoscope =,=

有时候,曾经的好朋友转变成陌生人了；
有时候，有些人不需要说再见，就已经离开了;
有时候，有些事不用开口也明白;
有时候，有些路不会走也要变长。
突然有种想哭的感觉，不经意间我们都长大了.

有些故事，不一定要讲给所有人听；
有些悲伤，不一定谁都会懂；
有些伤口，时间久了就会慢慢长好；
有些委屈，受过了想通了也就释然了；
有些伤痛，忍过了疼久了也成习惯了；
有些藏在心底的话，不想说也就没必要说了。
其实，并不是所有的痛，都可以呐喊；
不是所有的爱，都可以表白。

真正的爱情，不是一见钟情，而是日久生情；
真正的缘份，不是上天的安排，而是你的主动；
真正的自卑，不是你不优秀，而是你把她想得太优秀；
真正的关心，不是你认为好的就要求她改变，而是她的改变你是第一个发现的；
真正的矛盾，不是她不理解你，而是你不会宽容她。

wow its a really long post... hahaha just copy n paste though
and this is my fav among all

We are like dominoes. I fall for you. You fall for another.
我们就像多米诺骨牌。我倒向你，你却倒向别人。❤

++ fading away at 12:32 AM